Like i said, a lot has happened these last 4years. But most importantly, im still married to the sweetest man ever. We’re still childless. We still have 2 cats. We’re still with our jobs. So, what ‘s new?

1. We moved 2yrs back. From 110B to 121B. Less than a kilometre away. Haha! Upgraded to a slightly bigger 5rm flat. Initially planned for my mom & sis to move in with us but mom was not keen at the 11th hour. So now, all this space for us 2 and the cats. πŸ˜‘

2. Hubb became part of a qasidah group & at 1 point became incredibly busy with religious functions every weekend. And we made new friends from there. Some of whom we grew rather close to. Then the group disbanded but hubb remained in contact with the Indonesian counterparts. He’s now part of Nurul Musthofa under Habib Hasan Jaafar Assegas’s leadership. In fact, he is in Jakarta now for a major maulid event.

3. After battling with diabetes and weight issues for so long, i decided to get vertical sleeve surgery. After a year of medical tests & examinations, i went under the knife on the 9th of Jan 2018. So far, ive lost about 20kg. Its been about 11mths now. Ive started nonsense eating again and hardly worked out. So ive gained back a few kg. They stopped my diabetes meds but i havent been back to my doctor so im a little on the edge here. Haiz. Discipline is key and i have very little of it.

However, im now a size 14, down from a 22 a year ago. Gotta keep at it i guess. And make new appts to see my doctor again.

Yup, thats about all i can think abt right now. πŸ˜‚

Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha


As im typing this down, we are on our way to the mosque in AMK for solat sunnat Aidiladha.

After solat and khutbah, insya allah, I will go home first before heading to mom’s and mil’s later in the evening. Hubb wont be joining as he will be handling the sheep at the mosque. Most prolly a whole day affair.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha to all Muslims. May all our sacrifices in the name of Allah swt be blessed and granted ease. Insya allah.


Missing Bali



We miss Bali. Thats hubb btw. Haha. At Seminyak Beach. Way back in 2012. A few weeks before I donned the tudung. I have yet to get to a beach or pool with tudung on. Hmm… no tanning for sure. Either that or I’ll have to resort to chilling on a remote private beach or a villa with a private pool.

My babysis is in Bali right now. A birthday trip with our girl cousins. Her villa looks smashing frm the photos she took and uploaded. Haiz… I am missing Bali badly. Mom called when Adek left for the airport. Said she wanted to go too. Hehe. Prolly surprise her in Dec? Mom doesnt like plans. Shes fickle and she knows it. She likes impromptu things. So we’ll see how it goes la hor.

Ok. Monday. Week 3. Soldier on! Haiz…

Just thinking…


Its past 2am now. And I cannot sleep. Despite having a terrible ear infection and mild fever. I think Im having like a gazillion thoughts which will drive me crazy if I dont scream them out. Which will disturb hubb’s sleep. And the cats. And so. I shall blog.

1. Why do people have them but have no idea how to properly care for them? I am working on a case where a woman is blessed to have 6 beautiful kids. Yet. She just got released frm drc. Husband? MIA. All the while she was inside, the kids are looked after by a single grandparent with very limited finances. She got out, took back all her kids and they are living in a house with no water supply. And recently, the youngest one got into a traffic accident and spent 3 days in ICU. He was jaywalking to get to the playground on the other side of the road. Without any adult supervision. WHY. Those kids dont even have their basic needs met. And then this. I had hoped the accident will bring her to her senses. But from my last visit…. 😦

2. Why do people have them and then have big showy bday celebrations when their child cannot even comprehend the occasion?
By the way. AKU TAK JELES PON. Its just an observation and imho. I mean, your child turns 1. You hold a big party. With all that goody bags, buffet thingy, candycorner stuff. With themes and deco yada2. Oh. And invite like a hundred or so guests. And then you try to make ur child pose in front of the camera or hold the plastic cake knife to cut it. And all your child wants to do is grab the cake and smear it all over your fab party dress.

Ah. Im not against lavish bday parties. Though I would most prefer a kenduri doa selamat, makan in dulang kinda thing. But wait at least till ur child can appreciate what you are doing. Then it’ll be kept permanently in their memories! Then you’ll have a reason! It wont be a pointless mummy daddy show off fest!

And I dont understand. Why I get invited to parties like these. And get shoved a goodybag or 2 in my chest. Who do I pass them to? My cats? *rolls eyes moment*

Never assume. I dont get this whole “you wont understand coz youre not a mother” thingy. Ok. I was never pregnant. I never delivered. I never is a mom. But I know how to love kids. I was trained to discipline kids. I was taught to nurture kids. My whole career revolves around kids.

And when I stare down at your cranky sweet toothed munchkin rolling around on the floor screaming the lungs out while u sit and chat and do nothing. You get upset. And tell me,


Eh Dol.Β  Tu anak kau kan? Wow. Great parenting skills. Come. I clap for you. Look how awesome your brat is turning out.

Fine. It takes 1 to be a real mother to understand how this whole parenting thing works. Im only a ‘mother’ for half a day. What do I know.

Fyi. Parenthood doesnt come naturally either. Biologically… yes. You give birth, have kids… bam! Youre parents! But to be a good one, thats a diff thing altogether.

Never assume im not happy not having any. Its still a little difficult to get by surrounded by ladies falling pregnant ard me. My husb and I, we still are trying. Praying. Trying to stay healthy. But we’re not ready for ivf.

Someone told me.


Number 1. You are so arrogant. Baik kau solat taubat soon. Sembahyang, bukan pasal nak Allah tunaikan hajat eh. Itu wajib. 5 kali 1 hari. Plus sunat, tahajjud etc. Berapa byk lagi kau nak buat. After prayers, u doa for Allah swt to give you what is best for you. I know of someone who went for Haj. And pleaded with Allah in front of the Kaabah. And yet… no baby. Does this mean Allah doesnt love her? No. This is her test in this world. If she passes it, the hereafter will be a much much happier place fr her. Insya Allah.

Number 2. I think, im better than a pornstar. Coz hubb and I, we dont share ourselves with others. And whatever positions we partake, whatever instruments we use or wherever we may be… we do it with love. And true passion. And you know. Anything pornographic. DISGUSTS ME. So no. Im not gonna have the mentality of a pornstar. Makes me feel dirty. Astaghfirullah.

Dont forget. What Allah swt gives. He can take back. Anytime baybeh. So dont be so damn ignorant. And arrogant. Just because youve already had kids, doesnt make u a midwife expert or fertility specialist. While I know youre trying to be helpful, just dont.

So many like me are trying. My dear cousin had a successful ivf procedure. She was blessed with twins. Unfortunately, she lost them at 5mths. What do I say to her? What can I do for her? I know how it feels like to try so hard fr so long. To hope and dream. I felt her happiness when she conceived. And after knowing she lost them, I cannot even bring myself to go and see her. Because I cannot handle my own emotions. So I sat in prayer and prayed fr her. Her babies. Her husband. And myself. And cried and sobbed. The twins are safe in jannah now. They will be waiting for their ummi and abah.

With that, I end my post tonight. With surah alfateha.


Burying my hatchets Part 2: NZ


I met NZ in pre-u back in 98′. We hit it off pretty well. Long after graduation, we met up several times over coffee or shisha or dinner.

We were on relatively good terms until I turned into bridezilla back in 07′. To cut the story short, after a series of nasty blog posts, curt Friendster statuses and the likes, we never met up again and all communications ended. Instead of meeting up to solve whatever, we became strangers. And thats quite sad because NZ and myself had a pretty good friendship prior.

After 7 long years, I was invited intoΒ  an FB chatroom for alumni netballers. I saw that NZ happened to be in it as well. I decided there and then that this ‘silence’ between us gotta end. So I sent a message to her. Which she replied pleasantly and alhamdulillah.Β  We are ok now. We added each other on FB and instagram. No meetups yet. Neither calls nor msgs. But to acknowledge each other’s existence is more than enough for me. πŸ™‚

The Sept hols is over and tomorrow, I start term 4. Last lap and perhaps the busiest term of every year. With it, I am hoping for my emplacement which has been overdue the past 3 years.

I worry about work because the results this time is not as good as of previous years. I have less than 9 weeks to work on them. Insya allah, with a little bit more dedication on my part, I can push all of them to do better.

Actually, I very badly wanna post abt sumthing thats been bugging me the past couple of days. But I have to push that to another day. The time is not right. Plus, im trying to train my bodyclock to wake up in time for subuh and do a morning run after. Its aldy past midnight now and the hubb is not too happy im still on my mobile. :p